67. Spiritual Direction 101: How to Tune In and Trust God’s Lead with Cheryl Weaver

You are listening to the podcast where we ask, how's all that working for you?

Because sometimes all you need to change your life is a moment of reflection.

In this space, we are done with sugarcoating.

We embrace keeping it real.

I'm your host, Rachel D. Baker, guiding you on this journey to create some breathing room, set healthy boundaries, and reclaim your time guilt free.

This is real talk with a bit of sass, and we're always seeking the truth in God's word.

We are back for part two of our powerful series with Sheryl Weaver.

And today we are talking about a topic that might sound a little intimidating, but it's actually a whole lot more doable and necessary than you might think.

We're talking about spiritual discernment.

I want to tell you in case you missed.

Last episode, we talked with Cheryl about body awareness.

And in case you didn't hear it, Cheryl holds her bachelor's in education from Harding University.

She is a trauma informed registered yoga instructor, and she's a certified spiritual director and retreat facilitator with Cedar Rock Ministries.

She brings such a gentle, wise presence to these conversations, and I know you're gonna love what she shares today.

So last week, as I mentioned, we explored body awareness, how tuning in to what's going on in your body can create space for healing and peace and even deeper connection with God.

If you missed that, that was episode 66.

So go ahead, check the show notes for that link.

It is a powerful place to start.

But today we are shifting from listening to our bodies to learning how to listen for God.

And we are gonna unpack what spiritual discernment actually is, how it shows up in everyday life and how you can begin to develop this muscle even if you're feeling spiritually stuck or you're not really sure what God is saying to you.

So let's get into it.

Hi again, Cheryl.

Hi again.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah.

Oh, this is.

These conversations are such a blessing to me.

So I am just praying and know they're going to be helpful for others, but we're just going to jump right into it.

We're going to start with the basics because some of these terms we're going to throw out today can feel kind of big or overwhelming or foreign.

And so I just want to break it down.

I'd love to hear from you.

What is spiritual discernment?

It sounds big.

And how is that different from just making a good decision?

I think just at the basic level, spiritual discernment is just being aware of God and the invitations that God is presenting as we make decisions.

So.

So rather just than plowing forward in our own strength and making decisions based on what we think is right or wrong, really slowing down, pausing and prayerfully considering, where is God pointing?

What arrows are we noticing?

Sometimes, you know, spiritual discernment for me is just slowing down and giving time.

Sometimes it's meeting with my personal spiritual director.

Help has been a real big help.

And sometimes even in community, sometimes I bring some of my big decisions to a group of people, and they create space for me to talk through without judgment, without trying to fix, or just paying attention to the things that, as I'm talking, that I seem more alive or excited about.

They can even watch my body language and be like, ooh, when you said this, like, I noticed your shoulders slumped a little bit.

Like, you just slumped, seemed a little.

So paying attention to things that sometimes I may not be aware of.

I love the fact that you pointed out that this spiritual discernment is not in my own strength, pausing and getting it all together.

And I, I also appreciate the piece of community that can come into this.

You know, we.

I do want to hear more.

We're going to talk more about, like, the spiritual director concept because I've heard that multiple times.

I know a couple people, you included, who have worked towards becoming someone in that position.

And it's.

To some people, it's a very foreign concept.

So I do want to dig into that.

But sometimes when I think of, like, I've got to have better spiritual discernment makes me feel like I've just.

I've got to make better choices.

I've got to be more spiritual.

I have to know how to connect with God better.

And it feels very much still, even though I am, like, I want to be more spiritual, I feel like I'm having to do it all in my own strength.

And so to hear you talk about leaning on others, pausing to listen, having a community who sees you and loves you in that way, all of those things kind of take the pressure off a little bit.

And so I.

That's encouraging to me to hear you include all of that.

Okay, so spiritual director, I know that is a piece I've, you know, I know a couple people who've done this, and you.

This is something that you pursued.

So I'd love to know what led you to become a spiritual director.

And, like, what does that even mean?

And how has that journey kind of shaped your own spiritual discernment?

Well, the first time I heard the term spiritual director, I, I don't Know what I envisioned, But I guess I was thinking someone kind of like a life coach, a spiritual life coach, or somebody to, you know, tell you what to do.

Like you would go meet with the spiritual director and they would tell you what to do.

So the first time I heard that, that's kind of what I thought, and that's really not it at all.

As I learned a little bit more about what spiritual direction is, I felt like it was lining up with some of the callings that I felt from the Lord in ways to create space for people.

That seems to be a theme that kept coming up over and over again.

Creating space for people, not just in physical spaces, but being a hospitable presence for people.

And as I learned about what spiritual direction, you know, actually is, I was thinking, oh, this is the thing.

I think this is the thing that God's calling me to do.

So that's.

That's kind of, you know, and there are a lot of people who I love who, again, with spiritual discernment and slowing down, who helped kind of pave the path for me to move in this direction.

That's so good.

So, okay, let's get real practical.

What does the role of a spiritual director actually look like that.

Because seem like when I've heard I have a spiritual director, I'm going to be a spiritual director.

I've thought, like, are you telling people how to live their spiritual lives?

It's such a foreign concept to a lot of people.

So just practically speaking, what does the role of spiritual director look like?

Is it like coaching or counseling or something else entirely?

Well, and it's funny because I've struggled with even the term spiritual director, because that's a little cringy to me to think that somebody would think that I am up here all on my mighty high, you know, spiritual high horse, trying to tell people what direction they should go, which is so far, far, you know, from what it is.

So I thought, you know, it's funny, every person you ask what spiritual direction is is probably going to give a different answer.

And I even was telling you, you know, when I explain to people what it is, I don't even say the same thing every time because depending on who I'm talking with, you know, I might need to fill in different pieces or the best way that I thought I would introduce it here is.

And this book will be in the show notes.

I know because it's one of my recommendations.

Listen, if you bring up a book, I'm linking it for everybody.

So what's the book, tell us the author and then go, yep.

This book called Sacred Companions, the Gift of Spiritual Friendship and Direction by David G. Benner.

This was one of the books that we read through our school.

And I loved the way he describes it.

And so, first of all, I'll just read.

He says, spiritual direction is an ancient form of Christian soul care that goes back to the earliest days of the church.

It has never really gone away.

It is just that large sectors of the Christian church have forgotten their own heritage.

Then goes on to say, in its classical form, spiritual direction is a one on one relationship organized around prayer and conversation, directed toward deepening intimacy with God.

As we'll see, spiritual directors are not experts, nor do they direct.

They do not follow a standardized curriculum or implement a prepackaged program.

Rather, they journey with others who, like themselves, are committed to the process of spiritual transformation in Christ.

And most important, they seek to help those with whom they journey discern the presence and leading of the Spirit of God, the one Jesus sent as our true spiritual director.

Ooh, that's good.

That's so good.

I love that.

So it.

All of those things that we've talked about are kind of in there, except it really sounds like a guide, someone to walk the journey with you who knows your end goal, where you want to land, and is just kind of helping you walk that path.

Does that sound right?

Yeah, yeah, I love that.

Just an attuned listener.

And I love that he calls them sacred companions.

I mean, I have the journey of sitting with a lot of people who come to me just who want someone else to co.

Listen with them and pay attention.

Because sometimes as we're verbally processing, we don't even notice.

Right.

The inflection of our voice or the struggle, or bringing up several different options, and having someone listen with prayer as your ground there, you know, in the power of the Holy Spirit to kind of pay attention is really a beautiful thing.

I mean, I've been meeting with my personal spiritual director for almost five years, and I meet with her monthly.

And it is just.

I know that I can kind of pay attention, recognize where I see God's movement or where I don't experience God's presence and then be able to reflect on that and respond well.

And the one big piece that jumps out to me in all of this is we talk so much in this space about this intentional living, because all of these things we're talking about wanting to have spiritual discernment, wanting to have someone who can guide you, direct you in the spiritual sense that all is very intentional.

That's not just happening accidentally to you.

Right.

That's an intentional thing.

And it does require that we create space for it as a priority.

You know, we talk about listing out all the things that have to get done and prioritizing what's urgent, what's important, and putting that on your calendar.

Like, if this is something that truly is a priority, it's on that list and it finds home on the calendar and on your to do list.

Right.

So, yeah, that's a big piece of this, I think, is just that calling that desire in your heart of, I do want this.

I do want to be living in my purpose on purpose.

This is just one more tool.

Right.

Resource that helps make all that happen.

So, yes, I really appreciate the, the better understanding that hopefully everyone can get from this.

I would love to hear if, you know, like, if there are some just everyday signs that a woman might notice that, you know, a woman might be craving discernment or a deeper spiritual direction, maybe they don't even realize it, but are there any things like that that you could speak to that somebody might go, oh, yeah, that may.

That maybe that's me.

Yeah.

Well, one of the things in a place that I always like to start is, you know, we all have a thought or a knowing in our minds about who we think God is.

And one of the best spiritual direction questions that I've ever been presented with, and I, I use this a lot, is the question of how does God seem to you?

And that can be very different because we can know, have a knowing of, oh, God is a provider.

God is, loves me, God, you know, the things that we know.

But if we're not experiencing God that way, if we're honest with ourselves and if we are paying attention to, you know, right now in this, this situation or in this season of my life, God really seems distant or God seems withholding or.

Yeah, I believe that God loves everyone, loves people, but am I really experiencing God's love?

For me personally, that is a really good place to start.

I love that our view of God is really one of the most important things about us.

Love that his.

I've heard that over and over and over again.

And yeah, just to pause long enough to really ask yourself that question.

How, how am I experiencing God in this?

How does God seem to me?

And what is the invitation there in that?

And to be honest about it, you know, sometimes, you know, that's.

That's one of the hardest things to do and, and especially to tell it to somebody else.

And be like, I don't feel like God is near, or I am feeling, you know, God is omnipresent.

And I believe that with every fiber of my being.

But what changes is my awareness of God's presence.

Yes, that's so true.

As you were talking, I can.

I mean, I can think of times if you have, you know, grown up in the church or you consider yourself a really, you know, spiritual person or strong Christian, all these things, some of those things that you've just said are very difficult to think to yourself, admit, say out loud.

I can think of very specific times where I might have felt kind of ick, kind of distant, but I didn't sit with it long enough and to really identify what was going on or why I was feeling that way.

And I can think of times where when I did finally sit with it, and I was probably encouraged to sit with it for a second by a friend or, you know, somebody at church, and there was probably, I think there was some shame there, you know, things I had done or ways I had lived and that I felt distanced me.

Or maybe I felt God is a judging God, which he is, but not always.

Not in the way that we often feel about it.

Right.

And I think things like that, a lot of times we feel like, well, I'm not good enough to be that close to God, or there's some shame around or guilt around it.

Calling out things like that have been hard and helpful for me.

Yeah.

What a simple, difficult question, Cheryl.

So simple, so hard.

Yeah, it really is.

Yeah.

And I. I think the things that are the most helpful, the most transformative are so simple and so difficult.

I find the question we ask here, the.

You know, how's all that working for you?

It's a simple question.

It's not an easy one.

No.

And there are layers and layers.

Yes, yes.

And how nice to have someone who wants to be in the role of spiritual director to guide you through those layers.

I think that's so wonderful to know that there are people who, like you, feel called to walk with people on that journey so that it's not quite so difficult or overwhelming.

That's wonderful.

I would really love.

And, you know, maybe you have this, maybe you don't.

We haven't talked about this ahead of time, but if there is a practice, is that, like, the question we just had?

Is that, like, the starting place to kind of tune into where God might be leading us?

Or is there.

Is there something?

Because that one is like, how am I feeling with God?

Do you have A practice or a question somebody could start using today to kind of start tuning into where God might be leading them.

I mean, I have something that came to mind and I don't know, let's go.

In my personal experience, in my, the last, you know, several years that I've met with my spiritual director, the one thing for me personally was do I believe that God loves me for who I am or for what I do?

That was a big thing.

And, you know, once a month, I meet with her once a month and have been for almost five years.

And it just seems like this is one of the things that continues to come up for me.

And so for me personally, this practice has helped.

And it's just a simple pause.

You know, we talked about breathing room.

It's just a simple pause.

You know, more and more I am learning that lowing down and taking a moment for me personally to remind myself to remind that I am loved by God, not by what I do, but just simply because he created me.

And so for me personally, breath prayer has been.

And I think we might have, you know, touched on that a little bit.

But for me personally, it was finding a breath prayer that worked for me.

And it was just simply be loved.

And I would breathe in.

It's interesting, the first time when I started implementing this practice, I would breathe in, be and exhale, loved.

Breathe in, be, exhale, loved.

Just allowing myself to receive God's love.

And then with the cadence of my breath that began to shift where I was breathing in loved and exhaling be.

And I know that seems like a little subtle shift, but there was just something embodied that I was like, I am receiving the love part and I am exhaling and grounding myself in the be part of just be loved.

Yeah.

Oh, that's so good.

And it's, you know, I know when we talk about some of this, there's somebody out, there's like, okay, we're sounding a little woo woo about it and I mentioned that in our last episode, but we talk about it because it's legit.

It is helpful and I, I hope sharing some of these things is helpful for somebody.

Okay, you mentioned the book.

I want to hear again and if there's any others, you've got book podcast in this concept of spiritual direction, spiritual discernment.

How else can we dig into this a little more?

Well, I.

One of my favorite podcasts that I've also been listening to a long time is Emily P. Freeman, just on discernment, you know, the next right thing.

So just, you know, Knowing how to use discernment to make decisions.

And she's a really good resource for spiritual direction and some of the books that she has written.

There are a lot of books on spiritual direction and I have a full list of the ones that were in my curriculum as I learned.

But my very favorite is Sacred Companions by David Benner.

That's the one that I read out of before.

Yes.

All right, we're going to link all of that.

I love me some Emily P. Freeman.

Emily, if you ever hear this, I'd love to have you on the podcast.

Come on over.

She is such a like yours, she's just such a gentle voice in this space, encouraging people to kind of dive into that and take a second and reflection, I know, is a big piece of what she talks about.

Love her, love her books, love her podcast.

We'll link that.

And I know we've talked before.

You're connected with Cedar Rock Ministries.

I would love if just tell us a little bit about Cedar Rock.

We're going to link that in the show notes as well because I know people could connect with you that way.

But tell me just a little bit about Cedar Rock.

Cedar Rock is a spiritual formation and relationship enrichment ministry.

They offer retreats for married couples, for men, for women.

I also offer spiritual direction through Cedar Rock.

You can reach me there.

And yeah, it's just a great group of people who are committing their lives to creating space for people to pay attention to where God is moving.

Yep.

Love it so much.

I love everything about the mission of Cedar Rock ministry.

So we'll be sure to link that and you can connect with Cheryl that way if that sounds good to you.

Thank you so much, Cheryl, for walking us through something that can feel kind of abstract, you know, in making it practical and approachable.

Spiritual discernment doesn't have to be scary or confusing.

It's really just learning to pay attention and make space for what God is already speaking into your life.

So, ladies, if something stirred in you during this episode, maybe a little nudge to slow down, to ask different questions or maybe just to listen a little more closely or connect with someone who could walk with you on that, I want you to know it's not an accident.

God is speaking.

He is active.

He wants to walk with you through the messy middle of it all and not just meet you at the finish line.

If today's conversation resonated with you, come say hi in the DMs on Instagram.

Shoot me an email.

I would love to hear what God is showing you.

Through this series that we're doing.

And make sure you are subscribed or following this podcast, whatever that looks like, on your platform.

Because next week we are wrapping up our time with Cheryl by exploring spiritual temperaments.

Have you ever even heard that term?

This was a new concept for me and I am currently obsessed.

It is a game changing concept.

It helps you understand how you naturally connect with God.

And if you've ever felt like that whole quiet time, early morning thing doesn't quite fit, or you're just kind of going through the motions, or if you've got any guilt or shame around these concepts, you do not want to miss this episode.

So catch us next week with that.

And until then, take a deep breath, make some space to listen, and remember that you don't have to figure this all out on your own.

God is with you, right where you are.